I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
