do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
