Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
