are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
