i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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