some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
