Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
