hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
