just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
