Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
