You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
