Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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