What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
