if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
