$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
