Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
