In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
