dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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