I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
