Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
