Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
