I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
