It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
