I wish my penis had an off switch
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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