Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
