Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want to make out with him forever
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
