i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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