Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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