It's a beautiful day for a hangover
no you cant smoke seaweed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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