actually, I'm a sock model
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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