Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
