You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
