I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
