i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
