i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
