Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Randomize
