So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
did i just pee glitter
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
