i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
