That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
