So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
