But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
