think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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