and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
