You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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