She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
