just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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