marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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