Tell her she can't have a vagina
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
then he tried to convert me to islam
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
