I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
