I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
