he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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