i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wish there were birth control emojis
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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