my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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