dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
