Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
