Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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