I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
