How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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