you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this just has baby written all over it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize