her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
