At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
