we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
