Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wear drunk well.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
