apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
