i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
