we have pet lesbian snakes
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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