i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize