hotel room ftw
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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