Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
