a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want to make out with him forever
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
