I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
