Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
