in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
