i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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