dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
