It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Enjoy the penises
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
