there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
