Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I didn't notice because vodka
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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