My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
