My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The police scanner is talking about you again....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize