The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
