yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
