I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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