She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
