THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
