the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
