I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
