i just wanna soil my oats bro
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
