yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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