He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize