I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
