my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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