maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i think i just lost a toe
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Pooping to opera.
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