Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize