Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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