I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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