Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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