i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
