I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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