billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
