Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
