Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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