I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
