I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
should my penis look like a turkey
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
