Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
