I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize