There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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